Here you are in one of the deepest holes you’ve ever been in, and you don’t know how you’re ever going to get out. You’ve suffered a tragic loss. Hope Givers (hopefully) have swooped in to sit with you in your pain. They have shared in your suffering. They’ve gotten you through the initial shock…
… and in time everyone goes back to their jobs, their families, their own lives, and you are left trying to figure out your “new normal” and dreading every moment of that monumental effort. And then it occurs to you… No one is coming.
People are going to internalize this notion one of two ways:
#1 – I’m all alone in this world, and I feel hopeless.
Or:
#2 – This is actually very valuable information for a person in my position to have – I know that I am responsible for my own life’s journey, and I have to be the one to make something of the rest of my life. It isn’t something that someone else can do for me.
If you are in the camp that feels alone and hopeless, let me do what I can to pull you out of that dark place. First of all, the phrase, No one is coming, does not necessarily mean that you are isolated and alone – unless you are detaching from the world and not engaging with other people. Then you are isolated. The point of this post is that YOU are the only one who must refuse to remain removed.
Additionally, the phrase, No one is coming, does not mean that no one out there cares about you. That’s not true either. There are various resources in the form of friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors who care very much. Additionally, there are support groups, counselors and therapists (which might not be a bad idea if you are in the throes of grief) and various community centers that are looking for someone like you to be a part of their place in this world. Do animals melt your heart? There are dozens of places you could find comfort in those fuzzy, slobbering creatures and those who care for them. Have you found yourself single again? Get back out there! Your heart has a great capacity for love! Please engage with the world around you.
It is the hardest thing in the world to do to allow your heart to be laid bare and call your life what it is: Broken. Empty. Hollow. Longing. Insert your own set of adjectives – those are simply ones that I used when I was all of those things.
My hope came when I realized… No one is coming. My hope came when I realized that I was the only one who could stand at the helm of my own life and steer it in the direction it needed to go.
It was hard. But we can do hard things.
It was so much easier to blame my ex-husband or blame the friends that chose him or blame the church or blame anyone and everyone who had ever wronged me. And I have had people who have legitimately wronged me egregiously. But at the end of the day, no one can ever take my place at the helm.
No one.
It’s up to me. It’s up to you to take your place at the helm of your life. I hope this resonates mightily in you. I hope that when you realize that No One is Coming, you will be empowered to stand up. Take the helm. Steer your life in the direction it needs to go.
You are not alone. You are loved. But even if this sounds insensitive, please take this to heart… it is up to you.
YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!
Daisy Rain Martin is an author, speaker, advocate, and educator as well as a founding member of The Flying M-Inklings Writing Group. She lives with her husband, Sean-Martin, in the beautiful state of Idaho and teaches English and Literature during the school year to the best 7th graders the world over. Daisy spends her summers writing, speaking, researching, creating, gardening, and canning.
Hope Givers: Hope is Here, is the sequel, of sorts, to her comedic, spiritual memoir, Juxtaposed: Finding Sanctuary on the Outside, which was her publisher's (Christopher Matthews) #1 top selling book in 2012. She has also written a free e-book for anyone who has or is currently being sexually abused called, If It’s Happened to You, which appears in its entirety in Hope Givers. Please follow her weekly blog, SATURDAISIES, which addresses a plethora of current issues including child advocacy, all things hilarious, and matters of the heart. She would love for you to join the Rainy Dais Community by friending her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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