BREAKING NEWS... No, it's not. It's really not.
The reports coming out of Connecticut of sexual misconduct at Choate (let's be clear: predatory behavior, sexual abuse, abuse of power, an incident of forcible rape) and the efforts to cover it up, deny, deflect, minimize, and diminish the incidents in question are not the first to hit the headlines, and there will be many, many more reports like this one that will also be called "BREAKING NEWS". You know why?
Because I and many others who advocate for victims of sexual assault are on our knees praying that those who have been violated would be brave enough to come forward and -- somehow, some way -- these precious souls have found the courage to name their pain and their perpetrators even if it took them many decades to do so. We pray that God would cast illuminating light on this insidious darkness and expose these predators for who and what they are.
And it's also because victims of child sexual abuse grow up and get mad and they file police reports and bring lawsuits and blow the doors off of entire organizations. There is also a whole list of other things they do in the meantime that are counterproductive to their healing, but that is an entirely different blog post.
The report that came out recently was a tough read. Here are the highlights for this particular case:
* Reports of sexual abuse were reported decades after the fact. (This is most often the case for incidents of abuse where there has been systemic failure to report.)
* In response to these reports, the PRESENT administration at Choate did several things RIGHT:
~ Reported the incidents that had been reported to them to the proper authorities
~ Asked for an independent investigation
~ Sent out thousands of letters in an attempt to reach all potential victims and asked them to come forward with any information that would be helpful to the investigation as well as posted the information on their website
They received numerous calls and emails in regard to abuse stretching out over several decades from the 1960s through the 2010s. The greatest number of incidents was in the 1980s. They did not receive any reports of misconduct for current students or staff. The victims spoke of their appreciation for Choate and and valued their educational experience.
All headmasters of the school for the duration of the abuse are named. One is dead. Three are still living and were interviewed for this investigation. All of them said that Choate, "...never sanctioned relationships of a sexual or romantic nature between faculty or staff and Choate students."
Here is a quick timeline of policies and procedures that were put in place at Choate in regard to faculty-staff/student relationships:
1976 - Choate prohibited sexual relationships or "deep emotional attachments".
1991 - Choate adopted their "Policy on Discrimination and Harassment".
1997 - Choate's procedures for filing complaints were revised and specifically addressed faculty-staff/student relationships.
2002 - Sexual harassment training for staff became an annual event.
2012 - The Penn State scandal influenced Choate to continue talking about this type of impropriety and an outside expert was brought in to present at a faculty retreat.
2013 - Choate implemented mandatory reporting for faculty and staff.
2014 - Choate's Statement of Expectation was released: "Interpersonal Boundaries & Power Dynamics".
All this tells me that there were a lot of #HopeGivers at Choate who were fighting hard to do the right thing, and a lot of good work was done in an effort to be true to the Choate motto: Fidelitas et Integritas (Fidelity & Integrity). Perhaps this hard work created a safe enough space for victims to come forward with their stories. It takes a lot of integrity, in fact, for a present-day leadership to be willing to pay the price for the sins of past leadership. I applaud these efforts and encourage other organizations to do the same hard work.
And these are the past sins, according to the report, for which Choate now has to pay:
* The administration chose to handle each incident of abuse "internally and quietly".
Not reporting is the choice so many institutions and organizations make, and I promise you, it backfires horribly every single time.
* They claimed that their unwillingness to report the abuse to the proper authorities was directed by a desire to spare the victims, their families, the faculty, and the school from any potential negative impact.
The fact that institutions and organizations are so dismissive of these crimes against children in an effort to save their reputations is the very thing that makes the most negative impact on victims of sexual abuse. They protect the perpetrators instead of the kids -- it is a CHOICE they make.
* Certain incidents were "settled privately".
Of course, they were. Anything to make all this talk about scandal go away.
* There was a spectrum of speed in how hastily the administration responded to accusations depending on the popularity of the teacher. Popular teachers were allowed to finish out the year before submitting their resignations, and one particular instructor was allowed to continue working there until he retired.
In no uncertain terms, those individuals who are trying to protect their own institutions and organizations and simply send these perpetrators on down the road to violate more children will surely and certainly be called upon to account for their actions or their lack of actions, their compassion or their lack of compassion for those oppressed, and their integrity or their lack of integrity -- if not in this life, then what comes after.
Count on it.
* Connecticut mandated the reporting of child abuse in 1965. Before 2010, no reports of child abuse was filed by Choate.
How many times do I have to write these words?
I can't tell you how many of these travesties I've come to know about because people contact me from all over the country with their stories of abuse, abandonment, and betrayal -- the latest one not even two weeks ago. Too many to count. Most of them occurred decades ago. I assure you, these situations do not simply disappear into thin air. They don't die. They don't go away. No matter how perpetrators have tried to squash these stories and intimidated or ridiculed or threatened their accusers with lawsuits or even more physical harm, their victims are not children forever. They grow up. Many of them won't be intimidated anymore -- and I say good for them.
Furthermore, those individuals who are in positions of authority and have granted pedophiles safe harbor in their organizations or have let them off scot-free or simply allowed them to 'resign' and sent them down to road to harm other people's children are absolutely, 100% culpable according to the law. This isn't merely my opinion. These are statutes. Interestingly, they too often attempt to squash these stories, intimidate, ridicule, and threaten their accusers and those who support them, and I say -- time and time again -- tell the truth. Take responsibility. Find redemption if you can -- from whatever God you pray to.
The God I pray to doesn't mince words in regard how He feels about people who hurt children and those who side with them, so I don't mince words either.
However, I will state clearly here that my words are never directed toward any specific institution or organization, nor any individual or group of individuals, past or present. My words are intended to make general statements only regarding crimes against children, the patterns I see overall in how people respond (or don't) to these incidents, and the impact on victims and society as a whole.
Yeah, I've been threatened too.
We need to BE HOPE! BE UNITED! BE BRAVE!
It's no joke out there, folks.
Daisy Rain Martin is an author, speaker, advocate, and educator as well as a founding member of The Flying M-Inklings Writing Group. She lives with her husband, Sean-Martin, in the beautiful state of Idaho and teaches English and Literature during the school year to the best 7th graders the world over. Daisy spends her summers writing, speaking, researching, creating, gardening, and canning.
Hope Givers: Hope is Here, is the sequel, of sorts, to her comedic, spiritual memoir, Juxtaposed: Finding Sanctuary on the Outside, which was her publisher's (Christopher Matthews) #1 top selling book in 2012. She has also written a free e-book for anyone who has or is currently being sexually abused called, If It’s Happened to You, which appears in its entirety in Hope Givers. Please follow her weekly blog, SATURDAISIES, which addresses a plethora of current issues including child advocacy, all things hilarious, and matters of the heart. She would love for you to join the Rainy Dais Community by friending her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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